About

Where do I begin?

I am Farhanah, mother of five daughters.

I am of Indian descent, born and raised in North London. My mother birthed 8 children, 6 of these births were in London. I think of her journey into motherhood, being a brown skinned visibly Muslim woman, who did not speak English; I think of her being touched and prodded without being able to consent, not having her voice, not being able to advocate for herself.

My own maternity journeys have never been smooth sailing. I was robbed of my bodily autonomy; something I now embed into my daughters from the moment they can understand.

In 2011 I gave birth to my first daughter- Oh the joy and excitement of that first pregnancy! I was cheated of the feeling of elation of birthing my daughter, instead this experience was filled with trauma and racial prejudice. I was coerced into having a c-section- I did not want this, my baby did not need this. This led to a rippling effect of a really awful postpartum period, a dark time which I find difficult to delve in to today.

In 2014 I gave birth to my second daughter, she was an attempted VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section). Sadly the trauma of my first birth shadowed this experience and she was also born via another c-section.

In 2018 I gave birth to my third daughter. I was not given an option of a VBAC. I was told that I will be having an elected c-section. The brown skinned Farhanah, very visibly Muslim, complied and didn’t want to voice what she REALLY wanted.

In 2021, I found my voice. I did not want to be cut open for the forth time. I wanted to birth my baby the way I wanted to. I informed my midwife of my choice, my well educated and thoroughly thought through choice. I battled during my labour, in between contractions, with voices of coercion to make me go under the knife again. I refused. My fourth daughter was born vaginally. I can only explain this moment as euphoria. I didn’t let the fact that they rushed her out of me with forceps to dampen this moment. I was beaming.

In 2024, I decided to have a home birth. I did not want to be in a hospital setting. I had lost all trust with the NHS. I laboured at home, in my safe space. They were unable to send a midwife out to me- I felt I was being robbed of my perfect birth yet again. I had a bleed which required me, very hesitantly, to go in to the hospital. However I gave birth to her as soon as I entered the ward. My second vaginal birth after 3 c-sections.

My last two births, have led me into the maternity sphere. Where I have been advocating for change and equality for all who use maternity services, particularly those black and brown skinned women who are often not treated the same as their white counterparts. The disparity in care is evident in all of the statistics. We are not just statistics. We are people- whose lives are completed transformed by inadequate care.

Let me help you. Let me be help you find your voice – as a brown visibly Muslim women, I have been unheard. I have been disregarded. I am now in the position to help empower other women, specifically those from the global majority, to have the birth they truly want. Finding your voice is life- changing, sometimes a little support is needed to make us realise what we are capable of. Let me be that support.

Farhanah xx